Beer The Rewrite
by DarkBaralai
Summary: The second series episode 'Beer' rewritten from Percy's point of view and with slash. Yep, you heard, slash. Don't like, don't read. Rated T for later chapters. Maybe.


'Beer' Re-written (kinda) and…from Percy's point of view?

Because we need more BlackadderxPercy (Blackadder II). This is just something I wrote while watching the aforementioned episode during a Blackadder binge. It is SLASH! Here there be MALEXMALE content! Do not read if you don't like it, or at least keep your comments to yourself. Others…Read and Review!

Disclaimer: I own not Blackadder, nor the script content featured here, all belongs to Ben Elton, Richard Curtis and Rowan Atkinson.

Lord Percy Percy was not having a good day at all, no, in fact this day couldn't get much worse even if the Queen decided he was indeed disposable and signed his death warrant. It had started out ok, he'd woke up, got dressed, had breakfast with Edmund and…that was when things all went pear shaped so to speak. Edmund was just in the middle of saying something to him when a messenger arrived with a letter from Edmund's aunt and uncle, Lord and Lady Whiteadder, who had deemed it a good idea to invite themselves to dinner.

"But aren't they the most frightful bores?" He had asked, wondering why Edmund seemed so ecstatic about his purist relatives visit and also being a bit worried…Edmund was in a really good mood today by the looks of things, and that was not normal.

"Yes, but they do have one redeeming quality, their wallets, more capacious than an elephant's scrotum and just as hard to get your hands on," Percy frowned at Edmund's phrasing then waited for him to carry on being certain this was not the reason he was so happy, "until today!" There we go… "They are coming here to discuss my inheritance." Percy, who had been expecting some cunning plan to con the poor people out of their money, was pleasantly surprised and smiled gleefully.

"Hey nonny nonny! Well done Edmund!" Percy was genuinely happy for him, he was…rather fond of Edmund Blackadder…secretly of course, and it upset him to see the man so depressed over a trifle such as money. Edmund Blackadder scowled.

"Baldrick!" Percy almost covered his mouth, he had forgotten Edmund's specific warning about using that phrase, he fidgeted as Baldrick entered the room, "fetch me the po-why have you got a piece of cheese tied to the end of your nose?" Edmund narrowed his eyes dangerously, Percy simply thanked whichever God had deemed it right to smile upon him and tuned out the mindless banter between the two, it was always the same, Baldrick would do something ridiculously stupid and Edmund would kick his 'cunning plans' in the cobblers after humouring him. This made Percy frown, he'd never thought about Baldrick and Edmund's daily arguments but now that he did it angered him, Edmund obviously detested Baldrick…but he never even paid enough attention to him, Lord Percy, to be able to detest him! Well he'd soon put that right, attention seeking time.

"I'll prepare my turnip surprise then." Baldrick effectively squashed the attention seeking plans with one sentence and succeeded in losing Percy in the process, turnip surprise?

"Oh? What is the surprise?" Edmund was giving Baldrick 'that look', the look that told the person on the receiving end they needed to come up with something very good…and fast.

"There's nothing in it except the turnip." Baldrick answered without missing a beat, Edmund's 'look' turned into the 'you-complete-arsehead' look and he sighed.

"So another way of putting it would be…a turnip?" Baldrick screwed his face up in concentration then blinked and looked wide eyed.

"Ooooh yeah…" Percy used every last ounce of his self control to resist the urge to roll his eyes, it took one hell of a lot of self control, he was however helped by a knock at the door which Edmund told Baldrick to go and get. Right, attention time.

"Well Edmund…I believe congratulations are in order!" Percy smiled happily and offered his hand to the other man, Edmund ignored his hand and made his way over to a seat.

"Nice try Percy but your not getting a penny." Percy cringed and withdrew his hand slowly, hurt by Edmund's lack of trust. Baldrick chose this moment of uncomfortable silence to enter…carrying the door. Edmund glanced at him out of the corner of his eyes and let out a long suffering sigh.

"Baldrick, I'd advise you to make the excuse you are about to give…phenomenally good." the famous Blackadder glare hardened.

"You…told me to get the door?" Baldrick answered cautiously, even an idiot like him understanding he was treading on a very very thin line.

"Not good enough, your fired." Edmund answered, Percy again tuned it out, he was too busy having a small party inside his head, the next thing he noticed was Edmund grinning like an idiot…a rather handsome…smart…idiot. Then both him and Baldrick had exited without a goodbye, leaving him alone in the house with nothing to do but stare out of the window and think of Gwendolyn, his girlfriend.

This did not cheer him up, he detested the girl with a passion, she could talk for England, made demands so ridiculous even Baldrick would laugh at them and…she wasn't Edmund. Percy scowled, he didn't know why but he blamed the girl for that, he blamed her for Edmund's lack of interest in him (romantically or otherwise), he blamed her for his angst and he blamed her for…oh everything! Against his will his thoughts drifted back to Edmund, strong, clever, funny, ever so sexy Edmund Blackadder…

"Oh shut up!" Percy growled to himself and stood up, he may as well start looking for a clean tunic, he had a feeling he was going to have to make a very good first impression on Lord and Lady Whiteadder tonight.

Urg…yes, Percy angst. I don't like to write him as a total idiot. I know his attitude towards Baldrick was rather…ooc, but I was in the middle of a Baldrick Is Irritating me moment when I wrote this.

Chapter two will (hopefully) drift away from the script a little and focus more on Percy's rather unfortunate infatuation, like I said…it's a rewrite…but not.


End file.
